How to conquer anxiety

I am deeply moved by this blog by a fellow journal writer.

Whatever life throws at us it is within our gift in every moment to choose how we respond.

We don’t always have to respond in the same, conventional, routine ways. In fact life demands that we don’t by continuing to throw the same stuff at us until we wake up and get creative.

The writer of the above blog has woken up. She is looking for solutions and possibilities in the difficulties and discomforts of life. She has identified what she CAN do rather than brooding on what she cannot. And she is finding joy and possibility in that.

Let us salute her and learn from her.

Revitalise your journaling

How do you keep the momentum in your reflective writing practice? Is it mainly down to will-power? Or is it a well-ingrained habit?

If your journaling feels like it’s flagging, try these tips to give it a boost.

• Introduce a ritual

Journaling ought to be a choice rather than a chore. It offers some ‘time out of time’ – giving you valuable space to breathe and reflect and write.

As such it deserves its own ritual. For example, maybe your writing time is at the beginning of the day. In your writing space light a candle. Breathe deeply and sit quietly in meditation for a few moments. Set your timer for 10 minutes and take take up your pen. Either free-write or choose 3 or 4 prompts that speak to you and complete your daily entry. Thank your journal and yourself as you bring your entry to a close.

• Choose a theme

Perhaps you will choose to write your gratitudes, or the things you appreciate. Maybe select some positive affirmation prompts to help you write a new story of your life.

Alternatively you might list your values and select one per week to reflect upon each day. In the morning name an intention that will enable you to express your value throughout the day. Then, in the evening reflect on how well you acquitted yourself. But resist the temptation to judge! Give yourself a pat on the back or merely decide how to do better next time.

• Be present

Give yourself new awareness of your present self, your emotions and your environment by writing about what you can sense both physically and intuitively. Tune into your body and ask it how it feels. Notice how being present brings a sense of time expanding.

• Silence your inner critic

Give yourself permission to allow your pen to move across the page. Suspend all judgement about spelling or grammar or neatness. And certainly don’t think about whether you are presenting your best thoughts to the page. All this is a sign of self-censorship. Send your inner critic off to play on the motorway and get scribbling.

• Build a relationship with your journal

Treat your notebook as a trusted friend who is delighted to hear from you every single day. Thank it for being there, and for the qualities it reminds you of most. Occasionally invite your journal to write you a love letter, or a note of support and acknowledgement.

• Play with perspectives

It’s not always necessary to write in the first person. Sometimes if you have difficult things that you wish to express you might choose to write about yourself in the third person. This technique also enables fresh understanding and compassion for your actions.

Have fun revitalising your journaling practice with these suggestions. For more inspiration grab yourself a signed copy of The Journal Writer’s Handbook – while stocks last.

 

 

 

What makes life worth living

The unexamined life is not worth living.

So said Socrates in the 5th Century BC.

And they are words that ring true two thousand years later. Reflecting on our experiences, examining what there is to learn, and what there is to leave, fills life with richness and depth.

Otherwise life can be pretty flimsy. Think of the difference between a living breathing presence, and a cardboard cut out.

If you’re like me you are looking for a substantial experience of life. And reflective writing can certainly deepen our understanding and appreciation of what life is offering us.

So how can you make your life worth living?

Here are some inquiries to encourage you to examine and reflect on your experience:

What pleases me?

Identifying the things that bring most satisfaction in life is an important baseline to establish.When we know what pleases us – even the simplest things – we can always find refuge and relief in them.

What is challenging me?

Rather than turn away from difficult situations it is worth considering what is making them difficult, and what you are being invited to learn. Are they intrinsically challenging – or is your perception and way of dealing with them a significant issue? And what lies on the other side of the challenge for you?

What calls me?

Becoming aware of the things that interest you, that always catch your eye, that you most appreciate and want to spend more time appreciating is a useful examination. When you feel a calling it has an urgency about it, an inspired impulse that is practically impossible to ignore.

How am I responding?

Do you talk yourself out of your impulses? Do you resist them? Are you over-thinking? Over-rationalising? This is a sign that you are not being true to your own life but are rather attempting to super-impose a set of rules or obligations or expectations that your ego mind feels more comfortable with.

When beginning to examine and reflect on your life bear in mind that it’s the juiciness that makes it worth living. Pleasure, appreciation, challenges, lessons, call and response are useful things to hone in on to feel productive, worthwhile and connected.

Do write in the comments what these inquiries evoke for you – and whether there are other access points for you in examining your life.

For a source of prompts, exercises and inquiries to help you live an examined life, get your signed copy of The Journal Writer’s Handbook delivered to your door.

 

Getting past ranting

I have often used my journal to rant. I have often been so angry as I write that I push my pen through the page.

And it has often been cathartic. It has also often yielded new perspectives – once the initial ragings have burned away, as if my journal itself is pleading for its life. I am soothed. Until the next time.

I have written before about ranting here  and, rather beautifully, here.

Journaling is a great tool for absorbing the squawking frustrations of our monkey mind. It serves in the moment to download all our nastiness without having to inflict it on anyone else. But if that’s all we do, just write it out, then it frequently will come back to bite us.

It’s a good idea to get past ranting in your journal. I’ve learned that if all I do is rant then I run the risk of locking myself into a journaling loop, constantly revisiting it without much resolution. Writing is a powerful medium to reinforce our desires, beliefs, thoughts and wishes. It serves us to use it wisely, especially if our journal is an important tool in our personal development.

Of course you can choose to reserve your journal for the noting of things for which you are grateful or have appreciation. You need never descend to whining and whingeing at the pages if you so wish. But then you might find yourself in denial of the thing you most need to get off your chest.

To paraphrase Rumi, or if you prefer, “We’re all going on a Bear Hunt”, often the only way out of something is to go through it.

Which means converting our journal into a crucible of alchemy rather than a silo of toxic waste.

There are numerous techniques to enable this.

1.  The Handover

Entrust your rant to a higher power, and ‘hand it over’. You might use loose pages that you can then shred or burn in an emphatic ritual of relinquishment and release. You can then invite the superior entity of your choosing to give you inspiration for your next right step.

2.  Reporting

You might choose to detach yourself from your monkey mind and report in the third person on what it’s ranting about, rather than identifying with it. And conclude your entry with the prompt: “My advice in this situation is…” such that you identify yourself with your inner wisdom instead of the torment.

3. Telling a new story

At the time of this blog posting I am personally working through a series of daily prompts to help me actively change the story I’ve been telling about my life. Without taking conscious steps to tell a new story I risk cycling round the same set of unsatisfactory circumstances that have produced the undesirable results I am currently dealing with. Instead of ranting I am choosing to use prompts such as “I like knowing…”, “It’s fun to imagine…”, “I can see evidence of…”

This approach enables me to quickly invite perspectives about my experience which have a different energy; which aren’t mired in the disappointment and sadness I’ve been feeling. Within a short space of time – a matter of days – my mood and outlook have improved and new opportunities are revealing themselves.

4. Lessons learned

Acknowledge the frustration and then write about what you are learning through it, and what new resolutions you can make to change your experience.

In conclusion, if you find yourself stuck in the ranting loop, become an alchemist in your journal and use your emotions constructively.

What’s your way of getting past ranting? Do share in the comments.

Boost your journaling with my Book Giveaway!

Do you have a copy of The Journal Writer’s Handbook yet?

I’m giving away signed copies of the Handbook while stocks last – and all you have to do is pay postage and packing.

Click here to sign up and receive your signed copy – and find out about a couple of other yummy goodies too!

‘Making a difference’

It’s striking in my coaching how many people have expressed the desire to ‘make a difference’ – and then become immediately stuck about how, where, and to whom.

We all want to contribute, to leave a legacy, something to be remembered for.

But finding out what that is can be taxing.

I’ve recently come to the conclusion that asking the question “where can I make a difference?” is already off target – and prompts a lot of fruitless casting about for causes or problems or broken things.

I’ve discovered that focussing on positions to defend or things to mend or situations to fix not only invites overwhelm, it also assumes that there IS a solution – and that I must be the only one to offer it. Or, that I better be the only one to offer it, otherwise I will have failed.

Then, OMG, the pressure! The massive burden of responsibility as I not only bust a gut trying to solve the problem, but also trying to be seen to be solving the problem AND making sure that there is enough perception of the problem for my solution to be appreciated.

It is exhausting, soul-destroying and utterly ineffectual – largely because it’s an approach totally concocted by the ego-mind wanting to prove itself and demonstrate its worth.

In some ways I think this explains a lot of what is awry in the world at the moment. Lots of people are so busy making a stand for this and that, running themselves ragged and getting bogged down trying to convince everyone that there are MASSIVE PROBLEMS over which we all need to stop everything we’re doing and give ourselves a good hiding.

Now I’m not saying that there aren’t massive problems in the world. Nor am I saying that none of us need to bother taking any responsibility.

What I am saying is that zealously pursuing the compulsion to be the one to make a difference isn’t the optimum approach.

The truth is we cannot and must not nurture the delusion that there are ‘things that are to blame’ and that nominating ourselves as the attackers of  ‘things that are to blame’ will solve the problems. Besides. once you start on the blame game it’s a short step to directing it inwards and then you’re stuffed.

So how can you contribute more? How can you make a difference – as surely every single one of us can?

The first step is to determine what’s driving you. Is it your ego or your heart? One way to figure this out is to pay attention to how much rationalisation and justification is going on. If there’s a lot of problem-related outrage, or any kind of reasoning about ‘what’s in it for you’ to help ‘solve the problem’, then it’s definitely not going to be a heart-based motivation.

When we make decisions from the heart they tend to be very quiet, very certain and very clear. They tend to announce themselves to us fluently in a single sentence, or a single word, with no explanation or logic. They feel like Truth.

If however you can identify an overactive ego calling the shots then the wisest thing to do is pause and quieten it down. Go for a walk or a run, get out into the garden or the park, sit next to a tree or a stream or a fire, meditate, write in your journal, reflect on what’s pushing you. Don’t listen to the persuasive justifications and seductive spin-offs.

How easy it is to talk ourselves out of our heart’s desire – and how often we do it. How often we put more words and excuses and reasons ‘why not’ in its way. All this is is resistance of our Truth. It is the efforting of ego as opposed to the appreciation of heart.

If you can drop the resistance and allow your heart to speak instead you will be amazed by how quickly you will become inspired. The next right step will immediately reveal itself to you. And you will understand an intrinsic, hidden logic to your action, rather than a grandiose, super-imposed rationalisation.

So when you are moved to want to make a difference, don’t follow the usual script. Instead do something different – and focus on your heart’s desire.

It could be that the biggest difference to be made is to yourself.

 

 

 

How to make fulfilling choices

Just over a decade ago I decided to pursue a writing career. I wanted to be able to tell people that I am a writer. I wanted to have this on my passport under occupation.

The thing that really helped me make this decision was the sense of productivity and purpose I felt when I spent time writing stuff that I intended to be read by others. I equated it to the freedom and ease I would feel cycling along on a smooth, effortless path, with the tic-tic-tic of the well-oiled cogs marking my progress.

Blogging was a god-send. Not only did I get to write, I also got to publish and reach readers at the push of a button. Even if it was just one or two people who appreciated my words – this still made it hugely worthwhile to have written them.

OK so maybe writing – or cycling! – isn’t your bag – so what is? And how do you choose work or activities or pastimes that help you feel on purpose and fulfilled?

The lessons I learned from my decision to become a writer have been very useful and have informed the rest of my life. Here are my biggest take-aways:

1. Decide that you are going to find what fulfills you – what oils your cogs or floats your boat? It sounds daft, but so many people don’t take this step and end up going through the motions of their life, surviving rather than thriving. If this is not for you, wake up. Choose to be true to the ‘real you’, and commit to knowing who that is.
2. To discover what fulfills you, pay attention to the moments that feel good; to what you most appreciate about your current experience; to what turns you on. It’s important to expect and accept good-feeling things as if your life depends upon it (which in a way it does).
3. Then, tell the truth about your desire – to yourself and others. We need as much support as we can get in order to thrive and feel fulfilled – but we also need to fully accept and embrace for ourselves what fulfills us. Doing this wholeheartedly and without compromise makes it easier for others to accept also.
4. Lastly, trust and follow through on the impulses that feel good. Start small – whether you want another 5 minutes in the sun or you want to get up at dawn and do a three mile hike before breakfast. Slowly but surely, as you pay attention to the good-feeling things, you will feel the impulse more and more to indulge. Over time from the small choices a bigger picture of life emerges, bringing fulfillment with it.

In my experience impulses can sometimes come when I haven’t yet fully accepted the truth of my desire. Yet I follow them anyway. Impulses come from the heart, whereas acceptance is more about aligning the mind. Sometimes it gets messy and people might get hurt (which is not such a good outcome) – but at least we all get to wake up and reassess. New or different choices may be made, and everyone learns and benefits in the long term.

And of course, as ever, journaling is a great way to track your progress.

What impulses are you becoming aware of? How are you honouring them? What effect does this have on the level of fulfillment you are experiencing?

Hungry for more? Click here to sign up and receive my awesome cheat sheet of well-being prompts

 

Great day of summer intention setting!

What a wonderful day we had at the intention setting workshop on 3rd May 2019!

Here’s what people said:

“A wonderfully exploratory day of soul and personal development. Questions I can take back and ponder on for each season. I loved the dancing during the afternoon!…It definitely opened us all up. Beautiful venue and very helpful staff – fab vegan salad with quinoa and beet burger.” – SA

“The day was full of prompts that really made me think; that pointed me in interesting directions; that scared me; and that finally gave me a sense of purpose. I enjoyed every minute of the day. Thankyou.” – MT

“I very much enjoyed the day. Great company, great facilitation and stunning venue. Very well organised, a well-paced day. I loved the small touches that made the day so pleasant, flowers, candles, music – and cake!”- BM

“I enjoyed the experience of physically writing words on paper…inspired by very thought provoking prompts. I enjoyed the dancing too! The choice of music was great! The pace was appropriate and the venue ideal.” – SG

“The day was brilliant – thoughtfully and perfectly organised, really well-paced and varied, hugely beneficial and inspirational. The group came together beautifully. The catering was also good and the venue was really comfortable,” – GH-L

If you want to create your own day of intention setting watch my free DIY retreat video – and get your intention setting guide – right here

And if you’d like to reserve your spot on the next workshop in October 2019, which will be a fabulous residential couple of days in the beautiful Cotswolds, find out more here. 

Be the human, not the role

One of the opening social gambits to which I have long been allergic is “What do you do?” I cringe when I hear myself asking it – I want to find a different way to find out about this endlessly fascinating individual standing in front of me.

When we ask each other what do we do it’s so we can neatly assign each other a role, a level of competence and perceived importance. It’s a polite way of judging each other. And it always feels wrong to me.

The best conversation opener I have ever experienced at a party was being asked what vaguely shameful thing I’d done in my life that could get me into the papers. OK, perhaps not quite the opportunity to discover the hidden gems of a person, but certainly a long way away from the usual chit chat that doesn’t uncover anything valuable to know about your new acquaintance.

As I recall the conversation that ensued ranged over art, love, relationships, horse-racing and philosophy. Not once did I mention what I did. It was one of the best parties I’ve ever been to.

When we focus on what our role in life is we soon become slightly bored with ourselves. Instead of paying attention to what we uniquely bring as a human being, we’re tempted to obsess about the things we SHOULD do as a parent, spouse, business owner, project manager, student, widow etc. Our own list of roles is endless.

If we’re not careful we can spend our lives trying to carve out our niche, our neat little compartment, without fully appreciating the heart and soul of who we are. There really only ought to be one neat little compartment we ever need to occupy – and by that point the heart and soul are long gone.

From a journaling perspective it is useful to make a list of all the roles we have in our life – and to write a few lines about the version of self we bring to each. If you do decide to undertake this exercise, be vigilant about how the SHOULDs creep in, how you begin to compare your actual performance in the role against your imaginary bench-mark.

Another thing we soon discover is that what we’re writing against each named role doesn’t feel enough. That there is so much else that we wish to express about ourselves – and inquiring solely of our roles just doesn’t deliver it. In this situation, reflecting on ‘what’s missing’, or better put ‘what else’ can be very enlightening.

A beloved friend of mine likes to paint scenarios of things that will and will not happen. As I listen and feel rising constraint and suffocation I realise that much of what he’s saying is based on his own perceptions of the obligations and expectations associated with particular roles – with perhaps a dash of bet-hedging. Few of these kinds of scenarios are based on how the people themselves are likely to feel, respond and behave, in a given situation, were they truly left to their own devices.

This feels sad to me, and limiting. While it is important to assume our various responsibilities in life it is very often mistaken to do so under the guise of superficial roles, without the guidance of our true heart and soul.

In this sense we never shake off our responsibilities, but we do have a better chance of tackling them with originality, creativity and flair.

Hungry for more? Click here to sign up and receive my awesome cheat sheet of well-being prompts

Do you use your inner sat nav?

Have you ever considered that as well as having a satellite navigation system in your car, you also have one of your very own in your being?

And as you rely on your car’s sat nav to show you how to get somewhere, how much do you rely on your inner sat nav to show you the next right step in your life?

Our inner sat nav is otherwise referred to as our intuition or our knowing. The trouble is we have often forgotten that we have such things, and what their significance is, so we often override the directions they give us with the way we think we ought to go.

I’ve made this mistake in the car before too. Instead of following the instructions I’ve assumed I’ve known better, ignored the sat nav, and then ended up going round in circles.

Conversely, in a bizarre example of doubly betraying my inner knowing, I’ve also foolishly decided to follow the sat nav on a route I know well – and ended up in the back-end of nowhere, because I keyed in the wrong address!

The morals of these two stories are different – but with a common denominator. Firstly, in unfamiliar territory, don’t trust your mind over the sat nav; and secondly don’t override your own inner knowing just because your mind tells you you have a gadget!

Essentially our minds can lead us astray!

Yet in our culture the mind is considered to be the master of our cognitive process. As a result we do not remember to listen to the still small voice, which is the voice of our heart.

Journaling gives us heightened awareness of our inner knowing, as long as we surrender to the process of writing and allow the pen to move across the page without thinking too much where it’s taking us. It’s an adventure to hand over the steering wheel occasionally and to see where we end up, and what new insights are revealed along the way.

Often we can mistake the voice of our ego for our inner knowing – and vice versa. Like when there is an important decision to make and our mind leaps in with 15 cons to every single pro. I recently heard a good way of distinguishing our ego voice from our inner sat nav – if you hear many options simultaneously, almost out-shouting each other, then it’s the mind at play. But if the answer comes singly, quietly and assertively then it’s more likely coming from the heart.

As well as reflective writing, meditation and yoga practices really help in quietening the mind and allowing our inner knowing to come to the surface. Some say that the voice of our heart is at one with universal consciousness, the cosmic communication network that is full of creative ideas looking for a home. It’s fun to entertain this notion by stopping the ego mind chatter and opening ourselves to receive whatever single thoughts pop into our awareness.

And when they do, we need to be sure to capture them in our journal. Eventually our personalised route map will materialise.