What is acknowledgement?
Reflecting upon this recently, I have uncovered insights about it that are new to me.
Up until now I have considered acknowledgement to be something I do to others – people, things, ideas, opinions outside myself.
I have also perceived that acknowledgement can only happen around ‘positive’ things – or things with which I agree.
I was noticing that while I was quick to acknowledge others, I rarely acknowledged myself. Much resistance arose in me to the notion of self-acknowledgement.
So I chose to get curious.
What if acknowledgement, like charity, began at home? What if I acknowledged myself and my own experience first, then what?
And beyond that, what if I admitted acknowledgement of everything I feel and experience, whether ‘good’ or bad’ in my perception?
At first it’s a bit of a shock to notice how prevalent the ‘bad’ stuff is. It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge that I’m aware of suspicion or distrust. Often, by habit, I would deflect or deny these sensibilities. Anything to avoid feeling the fear that is at their root!
Nevertheless I’m committed to my curiosity. I practice acknowledging to myself that yes, there is something I am suspicious about. Going deeper I realise that the suspicion is some sort of fear in disguise. The next step is to acknowledge the fear, and allow myself to feel it.
Conscious breathing helps. Deep into my belly. Fully in through the nose and out through the mouth.
Gradually I feel and acknowledge the fear. I recognise where it comes from. The time I first felt it. When I was a little girl not knowing how to ask for something, and not trusting that I would be given what I asked for.
Feeling it now, acknowledging it now is like giving that little girl a hug. Soothing Her, telling Her it’s OK, that I’m here, that She has nothing to worry about, that She can have it.
In doing so something happens. Calm descends. The confusion and denial of non-acknowledgement dissipates. Some sort of space opens up. Acknowledging my own experience, and the feelings I have resisted up until now, makes it easier to see more clearly.
It’s as if I’ve coaxed the little girl back into the safety of her car-seat, while I clear the windscreen and take the wheel once more.
For your journal:
I acknowledge…
Acknowledgement is…
How do I acknowledge myself?
Who do I acknowledge most frequently?