In fear of false imaginings

My Facebook wall has been full recently of pithy aphorisms promoting wisdom, self-awareness and spirituality. They are invariably accompanied by an inspirational photograph depicting a lone tree clinging to a barren rock or dawn silhouettes of people doing yoga or tai chi, and I enjoy glancing at these messages and pondering whether or not they hold anything for me.

The other day I saw one whose entire text and picture I cannot recall, however I do remember the surprising phrase ‘false imaginings’ and it hit me hard. I took that phrase away with me and allowed it to percolate in my brain for a while. I felt the jabbing finger of my inner critic taunting me about the false imaginings of my journal, the place where I allow my creative mind to run riot and come up with all sorts of weird and wonderful dreams and schemes.

The fact is the very thought of false imaginings terrifies me. To me it means day-dreaming, egotistical fantasies unlikely to come to anything realistic, time-wasting, unfocussed dabbling, navel-gazing even. The very idea makes me go rigid with shame.

But false imaginings also means things we make up that don’t serve us. My inner critic’s conviction that day-dreaming is a waste of time is in itself a false imagining. Another is that the wilder the plan the less likely it is to ever come to anything. After all how can we adapt and change and try new and exciting things if we believe our inner critic and never let our minds wander and our creative imagination run loose?

Nevertheless I have a couple of ways of testing the ideas that my inner critic would have as false imaginings. The first is to blurt them out in public and see how they catch. Sometimes with a fair wind they have sailed high and far and continue to reward me still. The second is to allow the idea to sit in my head, and to see if it repeatedly shows itself to me over a period of time. Sometimes it will nag and nag until I figure out a way of making it real, and suddenly the falseness dissipates like summer clouds, revealing a beautiful and shining new thing.

So yes I do live in fear of false imaginings – but I’m also afraid of never having them at all. Our minds are endlessly creative and part of the fun is sifting out which bits are false – and which bits are the nuggets of gold.

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Filed under Creative process, Journal Writing, Self-Awareness

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