Learning Surrender

Oof – it’s been a while, but what a joy to talk last evening to Swindon’s Mum’s the Word writing group, and lead them through a handful of journaling exercises.

I’ve been quiet on this blog, but I haven’t stopped journaling. In fact it’s been quite a life line for me in a turbulent and challenging few years.

I’ve learned without a shadow of doubt how journaling anchors me in what’s true for me. But I’ve also learned that sometimes, the truth doesn’t fully penetrate my consciousness straight away, even having written it down.

This is intriguing. Writing is much, but it still isn’t quite enough. There still needs to be an inner surrender; an act of opening to intuition, to physical intelligence, the still small voice of conscience.

As I read and reflect over pages written I see how on the verge of opening I have been for a while, yet also how I have innocently-ignorantly held back from making that final surrender. I did not know I was holding back. I did not know there was surrender to be made.

And what even is surrender? Some of the women I was speaking with last night reflected back my puzzlement. It is almost too subtle to detect but I define it as the shift between writing from ego, habit, or, in my case, obstinacy versus writing honestly and authentically.

For example I can honestly express my anger in my journal. This would be authentic. A surrendered act. Or I can angrily justify myself with no surrender.

It definitely takes attention and practice to tune in to truth. And I realise over the years that my truth is not necessarily what I justify and defend. That’s all rather noisy. Instead it’s a quieter, constant nudge. I can acknowledge it or ignore it. It is indifferent. But it never goes away.

The Mum’s the Word group last night was a lovely supportive environment to pay attention to the nudge that is constantly beckoning for surrender. I was reminded of the deliciousness of writing in circle and sharing reflections. I look forward to more!

Happy journaling (and surrendering) one and all!

Talkin’ ’bout a Revolution

Revolution is the theme of the 2024 Darwin College Lecture Series at Cambridge University and it was a great joy to attend on Friday 9th February and listen to Iain McGilchrist’s talk on A Revolution of Thought.

I have followed McGilchrist’s work since first reading The Master and his Emissary in 2010. His writing rang a deep truth for me and gave me a certain conviction, articulating an intuition I didn’t even know I had until I read it: namely how the human brain mirrors and creates the world.

In 2021 McGilchrist published his opus The Matter with Things and continued his deep dive into how the left and right hemispheres of the brain perceive and attend to the world, and the extrinsic effects of the different types of attention we lend to things in our experience. It also describes a wealth of clinical evidence about the behaviour of those whose brain hemispheres have been compromised through injury.

The Right and Left Brain Hemisphere hypothesis expounded by McGilchrist gives us much to consider. Whilst the Right hemisphere ought rightfully to be the Master, and the Left the Emissary, somehow in our society this order has been flipped. We live in a world in which left-brain thinking is dominant.

McGilchrist demonstrates how this results in phenomena such as over-bearing procedural bureaucracy; an obsession with making the implicit explicit, single variable thinking and the dumbing down of complexity. It also leads us to an unquestioning belief in virtual re-presentations – statistical computer models of the world perhaps? – rather than reality.

In a left-brain dominated world we are anaesthetized consumers, vulnerable to propaganda, mass psychosis, and manipulated maps of the truth.

Except the map is not the territory.

Happily, given the even and democratic distribution of brains amongst the planet’s human population, we are at liberty to develop an awareness and understanding of this situation – and potentially reverse it.

It makes me think of the exhortations during the 80s and 90s to ‘do our bit for the environment’. Switching off lights on leaving the room, recycling cardboard and plastic, reducing our air miles, not eating asparagus in November – these amongst others have become rather delusional self-soothing mantras about how we can make a difference to our planet.

As McGilchrist highlights, the consequences of the left brain hemisphere becoming too big for its boots are to be found in rampant destruction, fragmentation, cynicism and non-sensical proceduralism. Thankfully as sentient beings we are in a position to recognize and reflect. By ‘knowing ourselves’, McGilchrist suggests, we can adopt new ways of attending which may not directly save the planet, but will save how we think about the planet.

It’s a question of reawakening our sense of wonder, awe and curiosity. It’s also about fostering a healthy scepticism and not believing everything we read, see or hear through a virtualising medium. It’s about rediscovering beauty, truth and goodness, and proclaiming those moments when we read in poetry or prose that we know in our bones to be true. 

It’s a question of engaging in right brain bolstering activities – listening to music, staring at paintings in galleries, dancing, singing, walking in the woods, meditating, painting, wandering around ancient and majestic cathedrals, watching the sunrise, being mesmerised by waves and flames, gazing at the stars, waking early for the dawn chorus, writing a journal, telling stories and reading great literature.

And of course integrating all this into our experience. Absorbing it all, reflecting on it all, allowing it its implicit value, and then introducing what we have learned into our actions.

This is our true power and responsibility. This is the revolution of thought that is individually and collectively within our grasp.

Acknowledgement

What is acknowledgement?

Reflecting upon this recently, I have uncovered insights about it that are new to me.

Up until now I have considered acknowledgement to be something I do to others – people, things, ideas, opinions outside myself.

I have also perceived that acknowledgement can only happen around ‘positive’ things – or things with which I agree.

I was noticing that while I was quick to acknowledge others, I rarely acknowledged myself. Much resistance arose in me to the notion of self-acknowledgement.

So I chose to get curious.

What if acknowledgement, like charity, began at home? What if I acknowledged myself and my own experience first, then what?

And beyond that, what if I admitted acknowledgement of everything I feel and experience, whether ‘good’ or bad’ in my perception?

At first it’s a bit of a shock to notice how prevalent the ‘bad’ stuff is. It’s uncomfortable to acknowledge that I’m aware of suspicion or distrust. Often, by habit, I would deflect or deny these sensibilities. Anything to avoid feeling the fear that is at their root!

Nevertheless I’m committed to my curiosity. I practice acknowledging to myself that yes, there is something I am suspicious about. Going deeper I realise that the suspicion is some sort of fear in disguise. The next step is to acknowledge the fear, and allow myself to feel it.

Conscious breathing helps. Deep into my belly. Fully in through the nose and out through the mouth.

Gradually I feel and acknowledge the fear. I recognise where it comes from. The time I first felt it. When I was a little girl not knowing how to ask for something, and not trusting that I would be given what I asked for.

Feeling it now, acknowledging it now is like giving that little girl a hug. Soothing Her, telling Her it’s OK, that I’m here, that She has nothing to worry about, that She can have it.

In doing so something happens. Calm descends. The confusion and denial of non-acknowledgement dissipates. Some sort of space opens up. Acknowledging my own experience, and the feelings I have resisted up until now, makes it easier to see more clearly.

It’s as if I’ve coaxed the little girl back into the safety of her car-seat, while I clear the windscreen and take the wheel once more.

For your journal:

I acknowledge…

Acknowledgement is…

How do I acknowledge myself?

Who do I acknowledge most frequently?

Ostara and the Hare

The Spring Equinox is here.

The Wheel of the Year is poised in perfect balance between light and dark.

As I pick up my journal I reflect on what is coming to light. And what I have learned during the dark time.

We have been almost a year under the restrictions of the pandemic. It has indeed been a Dream Time of sorts. A suspension. A time to go within and to reflect.

But now we are entering another Spring. I watch the birds in my garden: nut-hatches, robins, and great-tits fluttering round the feeders, with dunnocks, chaffinches, wood-pigeons and blackbirds pecking on the ground.

They bless me with their birdsong as I sit in the watery sunshine. The primroses and the daffodils have replaced the snowdrops. The fiery tulips are getting ready to ignite too.

I like the feeling of balance. I like the notion that the light and the dark are equal at the moment. And as the Wheel of the Year turns a little more I seek out the myths and legends of this festival time.

Our word Easter comes from the Spring goddess Ostara. The Hare is her familiar. Legend has it that when she bade her followers to bring her their most precious gifts the Hare brought only an egg, pale and round like the fullest of moons.

Eggs and moons are magically, cyclically connected. As the moon waxes and wanes so does the circle of life.

In some mythologies the Hare in the Moon is the messenger of immortality, of rebirth and resurrection. In western culture the Hare translates into the Easter bunny, heralding a time of plenty after a dark period of privation.

It’s a time of planting new seeds, embracing new energy and getting into action on the goals and dreams that developed during the winter.

For me, journal writing is part of the process to weigh anchor into the productive time of the year.

Why not take up your pen this spring equinox and reflect also on the message of the Hare?

Take a moment to respond to these prompts:

I am in balance when…

The most precious gift I bring is…

I am alert to…

What is coming to light is…

I embrace the potential of…

Enjoy your journal this festival!

The image is by artist and illustrator David Thelwell, who provided the nautical images for The Journal Writer’s Handbook.

His boxing, moonlit hares are a perfect reminder of the old stories that knit us to nature and the seasons as the Wheel of the Year turns.

In love

Juliet

The trouble with breathing

I’ve a confession to make.

Up until now I’ve taken breathing for granted. Not only that, but I have also not fully appreciated the gift of breath.

And up until now, if I’d read those last two sentences anywhere else I would have nodded sagely. I would have intellectually agreed. I may even have taken pity on the writer.

“How can anyone not appreciate breath? Especially someone who purports to be all reflective and conscious?”

I can hear my self-righteousness now.

Yes I’ve practised yoga. Kundalini even. I’ve done my pranayama and the Breath of Fire.

I’ve done running and experimented with breathing quicker and slower depending on my pace.

I’ve also meditated on my breath (or so I’ve believed), focusing on how it moves in and out.

I’ve even breathed deeply with my face turned to the sun before picking up my pen to write in my journal.

And on each occasion, I have to admit, I’ve treated breathing as a technique – rather than the natural gift that it is.

So I’m curious.

If I think of breathing as a necessity for biological function – how does that affect my experience – of breath, of my body, and of life?

And if I think of breathing as a technique how does that differ?

Yet if I think of breathing as a gift – what gratitudes, insights and inspiration arise?

It’s all about perception. As I perceive, so I create my experience.

Recently I’ve been practicing abdominal breathing – feeling my belly rise and fall with each movement of my diaphragm. This is how babies breathe. It’s how my musical daughter breathes as she sings.

It’s so natural it’s easy to forget!

However I  have noticed that by taking a few conscious, even inhales and exhales deep into and out of my belly I feel different. I feel calmer. I feel grounded. My mind quietens. I am present.

None of this is new of course. It’s just that perceiving it as such brings me such wonder.

Why is it true that belly breathing is my most reliable route to peace? And why does that hold so much joy for me?

What is your perception of breathing? And how does it affect your experience?

How to conquer anxiety

I am deeply moved by this blog by a fellow journal writer.

Whatever life throws at us it is within our gift in every moment to choose how we respond.

We don’t always have to respond in the same, conventional, routine ways. In fact life demands that we don’t by continuing to throw the same stuff at us until we wake up and get creative.

The writer of the above blog has woken up. She is looking for solutions and possibilities in the difficulties and discomforts of life. She has identified what she CAN do rather than brooding on what she cannot. And she is finding joy and possibility in that.

Let us salute her and learn from her.

Revitalise your journaling

How do you keep the momentum in your reflective writing practice? Is it mainly down to will-power? Or is it a well-ingrained habit?

If your journaling feels like it’s flagging, try these tips to give it a boost.

• Introduce a ritual

Journaling ought to be a choice rather than a chore. It offers some ‘time out of time’ – giving you valuable space to breathe and reflect and write.

As such it deserves its own ritual. For example, maybe your writing time is at the beginning of the day. In your writing space light a candle. Breathe deeply and sit quietly in meditation for a few moments. Set your timer for 10 minutes and take take up your pen. Either free-write or choose 3 or 4 prompts that speak to you and complete your daily entry. Thank your journal and yourself as you bring your entry to a close.

• Choose a theme

Perhaps you will choose to write your gratitudes, or the things you appreciate. Maybe select some positive affirmation prompts to help you write a new story of your life.

Alternatively you might list your values and select one per week to reflect upon each day. In the morning name an intention that will enable you to express your value throughout the day. Then, in the evening reflect on how well you acquitted yourself. But resist the temptation to judge! Give yourself a pat on the back or merely decide how to do better next time.

• Be present

Give yourself new awareness of your present self, your emotions and your environment by writing about what you can sense both physically and intuitively. Tune into your body and ask it how it feels. Notice how being present brings a sense of time expanding.

• Silence your inner critic

Give yourself permission to allow your pen to move across the page. Suspend all judgement about spelling or grammar or neatness. And certainly don’t think about whether you are presenting your best thoughts to the page. All this is a sign of self-censorship. Send your inner critic off to play on the motorway and get scribbling.

• Build a relationship with your journal

Treat your notebook as a trusted friend who is delighted to hear from you every single day. Thank it for being there, and for the qualities it reminds you of most. Occasionally invite your journal to write you a love letter, or a note of support and acknowledgement.

• Play with perspectives

It’s not always necessary to write in the first person. Sometimes if you have difficult things that you wish to express you might choose to write about yourself in the third person. This technique also enables fresh understanding and compassion for your actions.

Have fun revitalising your journaling practice with these suggestions. For more inspiration grab yourself a signed copy of The Journal Writer’s Handbook – while stocks last.

 

 

 

What makes life worth living

The unexamined life is not worth living.

So said Socrates in the 5th Century BC.

And they are words that ring true two thousand years later. Reflecting on our experiences, examining what there is to learn, and what there is to leave, fills life with richness and depth.

Otherwise life can be pretty flimsy. Think of the difference between a living breathing presence, and a cardboard cut out.

If you’re like me you are looking for a substantial experience of life. And reflective writing can certainly deepen our understanding and appreciation of what life is offering us.

So how can you make your life worth living?

Here are some inquiries to encourage you to examine and reflect on your experience:

What pleases me?

Identifying the things that bring most satisfaction in life is an important baseline to establish.When we know what pleases us – even the simplest things – we can always find refuge and relief in them.

What is challenging me?

Rather than turn away from difficult situations it is worth considering what is making them difficult, and what you are being invited to learn. Are they intrinsically challenging – or is your perception and way of dealing with them a significant issue? And what lies on the other side of the challenge for you?

What calls me?

Becoming aware of the things that interest you, that always catch your eye, that you most appreciate and want to spend more time appreciating is a useful examination. When you feel a calling it has an urgency about it, an inspired impulse that is practically impossible to ignore.

How am I responding?

Do you talk yourself out of your impulses? Do you resist them? Are you over-thinking? Over-rationalising? This is a sign that you are not being true to your own life but are rather attempting to super-impose a set of rules or obligations or expectations that your ego mind feels more comfortable with.

When beginning to examine and reflect on your life bear in mind that it’s the juiciness that makes it worth living. Pleasure, appreciation, challenges, lessons, call and response are useful things to hone in on to feel productive, worthwhile and connected.

Do write in the comments what these inquiries evoke for you – and whether there are other access points for you in examining your life.

For a source of prompts, exercises and inquiries to help you live an examined life, get your signed copy of The Journal Writer’s Handbook delivered to your door.

 

Getting past ranting

I have often used my journal to rant. I have often been so angry as I write that I push my pen through the page.

And it has often been cathartic. It has also often yielded new perspectives – once the initial ragings have burned away, as if my journal itself is pleading for its life. I am soothed. Until the next time.

I have written before about ranting here  and, rather beautifully, here.

Journaling is a great tool for absorbing the squawking frustrations of our monkey mind. It serves in the moment to download all our nastiness without having to inflict it on anyone else. But if that’s all we do, just write it out, then it frequently will come back to bite us.

It’s a good idea to get past ranting in your journal. I’ve learned that if all I do is rant then I run the risk of locking myself into a journaling loop, constantly revisiting it without much resolution. Writing is a powerful medium to reinforce our desires, beliefs, thoughts and wishes. It serves us to use it wisely, especially if our journal is an important tool in our personal development.

Of course you can choose to reserve your journal for the noting of things for which you are grateful or have appreciation. You need never descend to whining and whingeing at the pages if you so wish. But then you might find yourself in denial of the thing you most need to get off your chest.

To paraphrase Rumi, or if you prefer, “We’re all going on a Bear Hunt”, often the only way out of something is to go through it.

Which means converting our journal into a crucible of alchemy rather than a silo of toxic waste.

There are numerous techniques to enable this.

1.  The Handover

Entrust your rant to a higher power, and ‘hand it over’. You might use loose pages that you can then shred or burn in an emphatic ritual of relinquishment and release. You can then invite the superior entity of your choosing to give you inspiration for your next right step.

2.  Reporting

You might choose to detach yourself from your monkey mind and report in the third person on what it’s ranting about, rather than identifying with it. And conclude your entry with the prompt: “My advice in this situation is…” such that you identify yourself with your inner wisdom instead of the torment.

3. Telling a new story

At the time of this blog posting I am personally working through a series of daily prompts to help me actively change the story I’ve been telling about my life. Without taking conscious steps to tell a new story I risk cycling round the same set of unsatisfactory circumstances that have produced the undesirable results I am currently dealing with. Instead of ranting I am choosing to use prompts such as “I like knowing…”, “It’s fun to imagine…”, “I can see evidence of…”

This approach enables me to quickly invite perspectives about my experience which have a different energy; which aren’t mired in the disappointment and sadness I’ve been feeling. Within a short space of time – a matter of days – my mood and outlook have improved and new opportunities are revealing themselves.

4. Lessons learned

Acknowledge the frustration and then write about what you are learning through it, and what new resolutions you can make to change your experience.

In conclusion, if you find yourself stuck in the ranting loop, become an alchemist in your journal and use your emotions constructively.

What’s your way of getting past ranting? Do share in the comments.

Boost your journaling with my Book Giveaway!

Do you have a copy of The Journal Writer’s Handbook yet?

I’m giving away signed copies of the Handbook while stocks last – and all you have to do is pay postage and packing.

Click here to sign up and receive your signed copy – and find out about a couple of other yummy goodies too!